I recently had a unique experience that I’m apparently holding on to more than I should. I received a massage therapy referral for a 71-year-old pancreatic cancer patient. When I receive a referral, the patient has been vetted by the attending RN and the patient has agreed to the service. As I always do, I reached out to the primary caregiver to schedule a time to make my initial visit and find out more about the patient.
I contacted the patient’s husband and explained that I received a massage therapy referral for his wife and would like to visit with him regarding her needs and schedule a time to provide the massage.
He immediately said, “NO, my wife is on hospice and a massage will not be good for her.” I explained the purpose of my visit is to provide comfort and relaxation, and the touch would be very gentle.
He then explained his daughter teaches massage at a massage school in another state. He knows exactly what massage is, and his wife is not a candidate. I thanked him for his time and ended the call.
It’s unfortunate that this gentleman is uneducated on the benefits of gentle touch. It’s also unfortunate that his wife will not experience the comfort and relaxation gentle touch can provide. However, I know he was protecting his wife as he should.
The misconception of the word “massage” is very common. Education is an ongoing endeavor for all of us. We must look for new words to describe what we do, when people are open to having the conversation.
Some people will not be able to overcome their bias and preconceptions, and the only thing to do (after we’ve attempted to educate) is to let go and honor the fact that patients choose the people who become the gatekeepers of their care at the end of life.
Ultimately, she was not an appropriate candidate for massage because her primary person couldn’t get behind the idea. The unit of care is the family, so he’s part of the equation.
Because I continue to play the scenario in my head, I know I’m taking this rejection too personally. I’m working on letting it go and hopeful that if you have experienced something similar, this story might help you let it go as well.
Shared by: Susan
