I’ve been providing massage for 12 years. I LOVE my work. I’ve had clients come and go. Sometime you only see someone for one massage. You never really know why they don’t return. Maybe they moved away. Maybe they can’t budget regular massage at this time. Maybe they found another massage therapist who better meets their needs. I’ve always said, “Finding a massage therapist is like buying a new pair of shoes. You have to shop around and try many on before finding the perfect fit.”
Then why, right now, am I feeling a little disheartened when my first massage attempt in my new community fell flat?
I just moved to a new community and am eager to serve here with massage therapy. As I transition my practice to Hot Springs Village, I decided the best way to get my hands on one of my favorite populations is to volunteer. So, I contacted a local hospice agency, completed the training, did the drug and TB tests, got the required forms for reporting and had the badge made. I’m ready and super excited!
I receive referrals for 3 patients – yea! The volunteer coordinator informs all three patients that I will contact them to set a time to come to their home or care facility to provide a gentle massage. So, I make the calls to each patient or caregiver.
Patient 1: I spoke to primary caregiver who declined massage for her loved one. I explained the gentle way in which the massage would be offered and still no; massage declined.
Patient 2: I left detailed messages with primary caregiver and never received a call back to set appointment.
Patient 3: I spoke to the husband of my next patient. He is very excited about his wife receiving massage! He thinks it will be great for her and she will really enjoy it. He receives regular massage and is thrilled that this service is being offered! Appointment set.
Appointment day arrives! I’m so eager to see this patient that I arrive 20 minutes early; partly because of my excitement, partly because I’m not sure of where I’m going and partly because that’s just who I am – I’m usually early.
I introduce myself to staff, they point me in the right direction and I enter the patient’s room.
Me: “Ms. X?” Patient opens eyes and I introduce myself and explain my purpose. “How does a gentle massage sound?” She shrugs her shoulders and says, “That’s fine.”
Me: “I brought some music or would you prefer quiet?”
Ms. X: “Whatever you want.”
Me: “OK, I’ll start some music and you let me know if you want me to stop it.”
I attempt to start the music, but can’t find an available outlet. I put my device away. (Yep, need one that doesn’t have to plug in.)
Wash my hands and start the massage on her left arm.
Ms. X: “How long will it be?”
Me: “30-45 mins if that sounds ok to you.”
Ms. X: “30 mins will be enough. Will you work on my right side?”
Me: “Yes, I’m happy to.” I move to the right arm and begin at the shoulder and upper arm.
Ms. X: “No, my hand and wrist.”
Me: “Sure.” I work on her hand and wrist about 10 minutes.
Ms. X: “Has it been 30 minutes?”
Me: “Not quite, but I can stop if you want me to.”
Ms. X: shakes head yes.
Her eyes are closed as I wash my hands, gather my things and say good bye.
Me: “I can return for another session if you would like me to. Please visit with your husband and let him know if you would like me to return.
Ms. X: “Okay.”
End of session.
As I leave, I’m feeling pretty frustrated and somewhat rejected! All three referrals said NO to massage in their own unique way.
After some soul searching, I realize, “It’s not about me!” Here are the lessons I learned – again. I hope they will serve you as you journey through the world of massage for those with advanced illness or at the end of life.
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Not everyone loves massage like I do
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Not everyone wants a massage even if it’s at no cost
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Massage does not make everyone feel better
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Patients lose control of many things during their decline. Saying no to a service is one way to remain in control of something
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I have not yet found my ideal client and will continue to search
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It wasn’t ME being rejected, but the service I was offering
Update: I spoke to Ms. X’s husband and he definitely wants me to return, which I will. However, during my next visit I will share with the patient, “I understand your husband really wants you to receive massage, but I want you to know it’s ok if you don’t. It won’t hurt my feelings.”
Shared by: Susan Gee, LMT
