By the time we meet many of our clients, they’ve lost a lot. They may have lost their hair, their muscle mass, their breasts, their jobs, their mobility, their independence, control of their bladders, control of their bowels, the ability to speak for themselves. They may not look at all like the people we see smiling in photos at the bedside. They’ve lost hobbies and responsibilities. Some have lost pets and partners and friendships that could not endure the changes. But the person who has lost all or some of these things is still a whole person.
A patient I met this week, frail and bedridden, was wrapped in a quilt so beautiful that I had to ask her about it. Especially when I saw the embroidered butterfly and dandelions (you guys KNOW how crazy we are about dandelions!). Where in the world did you get such an extraordinary quilt, I asked. Her eyes lit up as she responded, “I made it.”
She had me open the quilt on her bed. It was quite large, and she was (speaking slowly and with a great deal of effort) able to tell me the significance of each square. The patient’s daughter chimed in when she could see that her mother needed to catch her breath. The quilt held family memories, and countless hours of concentration and dedicated skill. As someone who was kicked out of the Singer Sewing Club for swearing, I was mesmerized.
Our clients have incredible talents, gifts and accomplishments that they will be remembered for. Gifts of service to their communities and to our country. Creative gifts, such as works of art, homemade crafts or actual structures, things made and built to last far longer than the human body. Some have been athletes, amateur or professional. And some are just plain cool and quirky. One patient, I learned, had won a local beauty pageant in her 70’s; her talent was karaoke. There are saintly people (who also have their dark sides), rascals (who are tender in surprising places), mean people (who meant the world to someone), and people who care first for others even as they lay dying. Like my client’s beautiful quilt, we are a wonderful, motley humanity!
You don’t have to dig very deep to learn that every person on the planet is quite interesting, and remarkable. We are more than the sum of our parts. And we matter, just as we are, right up to and beyond the end of our lives. Next time you’re with someone who appears small and broken, see if you can find answers to at least one of the following.
-What kind of work did you (or he or she) do?
-In the case of couples, how did you meet? What was your courtship like?
-What can you tell me about your mom (or dad, or husband, or daughter)?
-What hobbies did he or she enjoy?
-What name would your loved one want me to call him or her?
We hold a lot in our hands when we provide massage to people at the end of life.
We hold an entire person.
Shared by: Cindy Spence
